


Matthew Murdock and the Great Pining

by captastrophysics



Category: Daredevil (Comics), Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Boys In Love, Catholicism, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Gen, Idiots in Love, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nuns, Pining, Team Red, teammates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:53:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29393664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captastrophysics/pseuds/captastrophysics
Summary: Scenes of Matt pining over Foggy over the course of years
Relationships: Matt Murdock & Franklin "Foggy" Nelson, Matt Murdock & Franklin "Foggy" Nelson & Karen Page, Matt Murdock & Maggie Murdock & Nuns, Matt Murdock & Peter Parker & Wade Wilson, Matt Murdock/Franklin "Foggy" Nelson
Comments: 1
Kudos: 37
Collections: Team Red Server Valentine's Day Pop





	Matthew Murdock and the Great Pining

**Author's Note:**

> This belongs to a wonderful collection of other works from the Team Red Server! And it has ARTWORK!!! The art was made by Writing_Puffin

Maggie didn’t even see Matt run in the day it happened. One of the other nuns had rushed in during the prep of lunch for the clergy and the kids in their care to tell the group. The prodigal son, their son, had come back after only a few weeks at Columbia. He was, in every way, the son of the church. He was the one child ever in their care to dig past the barriers each of them held dear. And he had come home. 

Sister Ann had watched him run in through the old wooden doors of the church, barely any more than a hasty “hello” shot in her direction before he found his way between the pews and knelt down. His knees had hit the floor so hard, she said, the sound echoed. That is when she knew something had been wrong and she had come to find the rest of them as fast as she could, telling them something was wrong with their Matty. Maggie nearly swore as she wiped her hands and left the kitchen. 

She stood quietly in the entrance to the chapel from the hallway, and watched her son pray under the eyes of the lord, tears streaming down his face and he murmured what seemed to be the same words over and over again. She decided after a few minutes that she had to say something to stop whatever guilting he had forced upon his own shoulders again. 

“Matthew,” she began, and briefly listened to her voice and his name echo through the hall. He stiffened, almost in fear. “Come here.” He silently rose and approached her, head down the entire time. She looked up to him and raised her hand to wipe his tears away, noting his flinch before he practically melted into her touch. 

“Yes Sister?” he whispered. In lieu of an answer, however, she hummed, grabbed his hand, and pulled him out to the garden. She had once shared with him, when he was younger, that there was a bench in the far corner of the garden that she went to when she needed to find peace. She had found him there afterwards, trying to find his own peace. 

She sat them on the bench for a moment before she asked, “Matthew, what is weighing on you?” 

And he had thought a moment before his tears returned, “Sister, I am having feelings and thoughts and I am so scared.” 

She wiped his tears again before softly saying, “Tell me about them, Matthew. I promise you, there is nothing you can say that I haven’t heard or that can push me away.” 

“I think I’m in love with my roommate, Foggy. But I can’t be,” his voice broke. 

“Why not?” she asked simply. He made a face like she had gone crazy. 

“Because I can’t be gay. The bible said that it was a crime, and it was wrong, so did Sister Loraine.” 

Maggie huffed a laugh, “Sister Loraine believes that the government invented pigeons and the earth is flat. Do you remember why she left?” Matt shakes his head. “She left because we began vaccinating the kids in our care and she was an anti-vaxxer. Are you really going to listen to someone like that tell you who to love? And as for the bible, Jesus said that the most important thing is love, why would he shame it? The passage that says homosexuality is a sin also says that we shouldn’t mixed fabrics or eat ‘unclean’ animals. There are some things that don’t stand up to modern standards.” 

She waited for it to sink in. Matt whispered, “So you don’t think any different of me? And the other sisters wouldn’t either? I am not broken or wrong?” 

Her heart broke at his words. “The Lord made you just how you were supposed to be, Matthew. None of us will ever tell him how to do his job. You aren’t broken for being in love. I can only believe that being in love can make you closer to the Lord. He loves unconditionally, so do I and the other sisters. And for you to love as well makes your connection to him stronger.” She kissed his forehead and stood up. 

“Now, it is lunch time. Come on. And if you think you’re getting off without telling us about the person who has finally caught your heart, you’ve got another thing coming.” 

#  \---

It first happened after semester finals. Foggy had begged Matt to come out to celebrate. Thankfully, despite his initial Bi Panic ™ rambling, Matt had just laughed it off and become Foggy’s best friend. And he could hold his alcohol for sure, too. Which was only good for Foggy, who tended to want to stay out to socialize. And it was especially helpful that night, as they stumbled home, laughing the entire way. Matt at least had some sense of direction to where they were going, even suggesting using a GPS or finding one of the campus signs to figure out where they were headed. 

But even his balance was off, almost falling face first into a lamppost or nearly tumbling down steps before grasping onto the ramp handles and hugging closer to Foggy as he laughed. Foggy’s heart could barely take it, beating so fast he was sure Matt could hear and feel it. But if he did, Matt didn’t say anything, only getting further distracted by the snow on the ground and the smell of a restaurant they walked past. 

“ _ Foggy _ ,” he whined until Foggy had given in and bought them both tacos from a nearby food truck. Smelling the corn tortillas and meat, Matt basically bounced from excitement, making Foggy’s heart pound a little harder as he fell a little bit more in love with his best friend. They joked while they ate, sitting on the nearby steps that Matt almost fell down. Matt had refused to wear a proper jacket, Foggy told himself, that is why he’s huddled so close. And Foggy wasn’t going to complain either. 

Instead, he told Matt about his family, how his mom had wanted him to become a butcher and his dad owning a hardware store. And when they were done, and Foggy had almost sobered up a little, they began focusing on getting back into their warm beds and out of the cold night. 

When they finally got into the room and Foggy began wondering exactly how much Matt had while he had been talking to the girls from their intro to criminology class. Because Matt had been babbling about random things and trying to stay attached to Foggy’s arm while Foggy had tried to get him to drink water and get changed. 

It was especially apparent when Matt had crawled into Foggy’s bed instead of his own, outright refusing to leave. “’m bed’s cursed.” he slurred when Foggy tried to move him, “Al’ays have nigh’m’res”. And Foggy’s heart broke. He had noticed Matt’s sleep getting worse, but he thought it was just insomnia or something. But to hear him say it like not sleeping in his own bed is the only solution, the only way to get sleep, it made the bags under Matt’s eyes make more sense. 

So, as much as his heart ached, Foggy just changed and climbed into the small bed with his friend, pulling Matt as close to his heart as he could. Matt murmured something else, but soon both were asleep. And Foggy realized that he himself had never slept as good the next morning. And his heart hurt as he realized he wanted to wake up wrapped around Matt every single day. 

They didn’t talk about it, but Matt started becoming more used to physical affection from Foggy, and almost ended up cuddling up to him during sleep exhaustion or drunkenness. And Foggy decided he was okay to settle for that, if that was all he could have. 

#  \---

Matt had worse nightmares at his first nights in his own apartment. The kind of ones he had when he first went to the orphanage. It's the first time, however, with no nuns to wake him up and hold him while he cries. No Foggy for the first time in a while to pull him from the gunshots and assure him that everyone was fine,  _ he  _ was fine. The fear of being trapped amongst the echoing shots and the flashes of lights. The crying of everyone close to him and the call out his name and he finds, for once, he can't fix it.

When his body has finally taken his heart's rapid thundering as a sign that pulls him from the trap of exhaustion and back into the land of living, mouth still open in his silent screaming. He takes a moment to try breathing, but he begins sobbing before he can. He struggles to get air into his lungs. He searches frantically for his phone, realizing he didn't put it on the charger when he fell into bed that night. He finds it wrapped up in the folds of his covers, dialing his speed dial. 

"Hello" came the scratchy voice on the other side. 

"Hey Fogs," Matt whispers, unable to bring his voice any louder.

"Another one?" his best friend asks.Matt can only hum in response, trying to keep his breathing under control and his sobs quiet. "Do you wanna talk about it?" Foggy asks and Matt hears a small whine come from him."Okay then. Do you just want to hear me talk?" and another hum. "Okay. I saw Abby today. I went to stop by the family business and she was back in town. By the way, mom is wanting you and me to come over for dinner again. She said that she might as well feed us while we open up the firm since she did it all through college. I think they like you more than me" Foggy laughs.

While listening to his best friend ramble, Matt finally began to relax. He worked on focusing on Foggy's voice, something that has always calmed him down. He's okay to settle for this. Maybe Foggy won't return his feelings, and it's Matt's fault for falling for his best friend to begin with. But if that means he can wake up with the phone trapped under his head and Foggy's snoring in his ear, he can settle for this.

#  \---

Karen hadn’t slept in a while. She was trying to help with the Castle case, but Frank was making it difficult for all of them. At least once a week, one of them had slept in the office by accident, just trying to iron out the details of the case.

Today was Matt’s turn, apparently, Karen found as she walked into the office balancing the files she had found on the DA’s involvement in the death of Castle’s family and a cup holder with three coffees from down the street.

He was on the thriftshop couch, bundled up in the heavy coat that Foggy must’ve left behind yesterday. She almost didn’t want to wake him up, but their court date was getting closer and they needed to follow a couple leads today. She checked her watch and made the executive decision that she would leave him alone until Foggy came in at least.

She was at her desk typing when he began to stir. He rolled over and burrowed deeper into Foggy’s coat, inhaling deeply. That’s when Foggy had burst in, his jacket crooked and his tie half tied. “I’m here, I’m here.” he said while setting his stuff down at his desk and coming into Matt’s office, eyes narrowing at the pile on the couch. “Why does Matt have my jacket?”

“I mean, I tend to steal my significant other's jackets, too. It was probably cold last night and makes him feel safe.”

Matt sat up and yawned as Foggy sputtered, “We- we aren’t dating!” he basically yelled. Matt looked hurt at Foggy’s outburst and stood up to go change in the bathroom. “Matt’s straight,” Foggy whispered to her.

Karen looked at the empty doorway the other just ran out of, and the back at Foggy. “Okay,” she said doubtfully, “If you say so.”

“He is!” Foggy insisted as he pulled files towards him.

“Foggy-”

“I already tried flirting with him when we first met and he seemed uncomfortable. He’s always uncomfortable anytime a guy has hit on him and has only had flings with girls. He has to be straight.”

“Foggy. I’m not doubting what you’re saying.” Karen tried, pushing down the need to roll her eyes at his words.

“He just steals my clothes a lot is probably why he used my coat as a blanket. It was just that it was familiar.”

Karen almost lost it at that. These two were so oblivious to each other. It was almost as adorable as it was heartbreaking and annoying.

“Whatever you say, Fogs. Your coffee is getting cold.” she said handing over the cardboard cup and avoiding his glare. They’ll figure out one day. Or she’ll go insane. Either way, something has to give.

#  \---

“Hey Double D!” Spiderman’s voice rang out over the skyline.

Daredevil seemed to stiffen on the rooftop at his voice. Which was odd. Matt normally could hear them from several roofs away. Peter was concerned suddenly. The brooding man only hummed in greeting.

“Psst, Spidey,” Wade whisper-yelled, “I think Devil-man is moping.”

“I’m not moping, Pool.” Matt gruffed.

“Yeah Wade,” Peter said, smirking under his mask, “If anything, Double D is brooding.”

Matt scoffed. “I’m just thinking.”

The other two shared a looked and sat on either side of the third.

“Is everything okay?” Peter asked quietly.

Matt didn’t turn towards either of them, just kept his face down at the street below. “I’m fine.” he tried, unconvincingly, while Wade passed out their normal burrito orders for late nights. Peter leaned towards Daredevil, shoulder-checking him. Matt sighed.

“That is not your normal thinking kind of sigh. C’mon. Tell us what’s up.” Wade tries.

Matt shook his head as he unwrapped his food. “It’s nothing.”

“Okay. Here’s the plan,” Peter began, “We can either talk about it now, or Wade and I can play the guessing game about what's bothering you.”

“Where’s option three of you two drop it?”

“No can do, Devil,” Wade said, “We’re teammates. We’re here for you no matter what but if something goes down, we need you focused on us and what’s going on, not whatever is going on up there. Unless you can promise that whatever is bothering you won’t be brought with us in a fight, we need to help work it out now.”

Peter was suddenly hit with remembering that Wade was once part of special forces. This isn’t the only team he’s put his trust into. He’s had to deal with keeping a team together and focused before. He’s seen what happens when your team gets distracted.

“There’s nothing you can do,” Matt whispered. His burrito is still uneaten.

“Talking helps more than you know.”

Matt sighed in annoyance. “It’s Foggy.” And at the silence of the other two, he continued, “I think he hates me.”

Peter and Wade laughed. They know Foggy. They had seen the heart eyes he made at Matt near constantly. They had been given the shovel talk when they first began to team up. Peter had people attempting to find his identity out since he first became Spiderman, and Foggy had been the only one to figure it out. And it was only in order to make sure Matt had someone he could count on to watch his back. But it had only just occurred to Peter that Matt himself might not know about this.

“What are you laughing at?” Daredevil asked, sounding pained and confused and angry.

“Foggy definitely doesn’t hate you. I don’t think Foggy could ever hate you, no matter the stupid stuff you’ve done.” Wade replies.

“Why do you say that?”

“Daredevil,” Peter said, “We’ve seen how he looks at you. He literally gave us a shovel talk, our civilian selves, which I know you didn’t give him. He tracked down Spiderman, something people have been trying to do for years. Just to tell me that if I don’t watch your back properly, he could pull enough strings to make me wish he killed me. And when we brought you back to your apartment that one time when you got so hurt, you had passed out from blood loss in Wade’s arms? He was there waiting and we watched him patch you up. He cried silently the entire time.”

“You didn’t hear this from us,” Wade cut in. “But Foggy’s in love with you, dude.”

“Y- You’re lying.” Matt stuttered, “Th- this is a mean trick guys.”

Peter scoffed, “You know we’re not.”

Matt looked so lost. Peter only wrapped him up in his arms and felt Matt sob into his shoulder. Wade rewrapped the uneaten burrito and placed it back into the bag with the spare ones. They stayed like that for a while. And when Matt stood up to go home, Wade handed him the bag, “Office lunch for tomorrow for the three of you. Go get some rest, dude.”

And for the first time between them three, Peter saw Matt smile.

#  \---

It had been a rough couple weeks. A case had taken everything out of them, even if it had been a rare paying one. Everything from the witnesses to the jury to the prosecution had given them completely separate problems and had run them all over town.

But it was over. And it was a weekend where they could afford to rest. So they huddled up up on Matt’s couch and put on reruns of  _ Murder, She wrote _ like they would in college, drinking together and just enjoying the company of the other.

Matt ended up lying curled up on the couch, his head on Foggy’s lap, floating in and out of consciousness while Jessica Fletcher solved a crime in the background and Foggy’s fingers brushed through his hair.

He loved nights like this. Normally Karen would be there too, all of them huddled around the old TV and couch, each making jokes about whatever they had ended up watching and describing to Matt, a drink for each of them constantly refilled until they passed out.

But Karen was gone. Had some other plans, probably. But Matt wasn’t one to complain. He liked his one on one time with Foggy, even if it was never the way he wanted it to be.

He was out of it, the kind of tipsy and tired combo that makes him mumble and ramble without processing his words first. It's probably due to that this entire thing happened. A release of inhibitions. He wasn’t normally one to plant himself in Foggy's lap.

He mumbled something, probably attempting to communicate to Foggy that he liked being where he was, he liked this physical affection, that he liked him, and Foggy’s fingers stilled.

He felt Foggy lean forward, kissing Matt’s temple and he heard him whisper, “I love you too, Matthew. I have for a while.” And suddenly, Matt was wide awake.

“You love me?” Matt said sitting up. He felt Foggy still and heard his heart speed up.

“Isn’t that… what you said?” Foggy asked, slowly and confused, “That you love me?”

There was a silence for a moment and before he could think too hard about it or let Foggy think he had been rejected, Matt leaned forward and kissed him. “Of course I love you,” Matt confessed when they separated. “I’ve been in love with you for years. I thought you didn’t.”

And suddenly they were both laughing, tears in their eyes.

And after they calmed down and kissed again, they settled back down onto the couch, pulled as close to each other as possible. And finally fell asleep in each other’s arms without pain or guilt. 


End file.
